Marriages are made or broken in the transitions of life. Between the transition points, most relationships operate smoothly. It’s the change points that test us. That’s certainly how it’s been in my marriage.

My husband, Bill, and I were parenting preschoolers when I decided to become a re-entry college student. I had visions of the programs I could build, the books I could write and the teaching I could present to help women. My excitement was so intense that it scared Bill. He was afraid my enthusiasm would lead to more responsibility for him. The result was an ongoing argument that stretched us as a couple. We would talk, but we couldn’t resolve any of the issues. By the end of that year, some small thing set us off, and in exasperation I huffed, “Why is life so stressful? One of us must be doing something wrong, and I’m pretty sure it’s not me!”

After a few zinging comments back and forth, Bill’s words stopped both of us in our tracks. He said, “Pam, it’s not me; it’s not you; it’s just life!”

That bit of truth brought clarity to both of us. We realized that the quality of our love was going to be determined by how we handled the changing seasons that every marriage encounters.