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How to Have a Tough Talk

This series is all about canceling the cancel culture - inside of you and me.  It's about us learning to be peacemakers.  Instead of putting people on blast, we can be forgiving.  Instead of ghosting people, we can go to them.  Instead of canceling people we converse with them.

The principle is simple:  Talk To People, Not About People

So...how do you do it?

1.  Prep for the Tough Talk
Prepping for the tough talk is needed so that we have the courage to do it and so that we do it in a way that leads to peace not more problems or division.  To do this, you need to remember who you are and how the conversation should go.

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  COLOSSIANS 3:12-12 

  • HUMBLE YOURSELF (1 Peter 5:5) because God exalts the humble and opposes the proud.  Pray:  God, take ME out of this conversation.

  • PREPARE YOUR WORDS (Proverbs 15:1-2).  Seek to be gentle, not harsh.  Keep your words few not many.  If you can’t say it without harsh words, you aren’t ready to say it.  Speak truth in love.

    Keep it Simple:  When someone hurts you, go and tell them.  Say to them, “I was hurt when you __________.”

  • PLAN FOR THE TIME AND PLACE
    • If Possible, Schedule it:  Don't just spring it on them.
    • Face to face, no email, text, phone, or social media:  80% of communication is nonverbal.
    • Choose a Safe Place for Both People

2.  Engaging the Tough Talk 
Remember why you are talking.  You are seeking peace.  If you didn't want peace, you could blast or ghost them, but because you want peace, you will do things differently to be a peacemaker:

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.  JAMES 1:19-20

  • Listen to Understand, Not to Argue
  • Ask for feedback from the other person. (Proverbs 18:2)
  • Trust God. (Psalm 37:3) 

3.  Follow Up, Don’t Give Up
Don’t give up on BIBLICAL PEACEMAKING.  Don’t do it your way.  
Don’t give them what they deserve.  Do it the Jesus way:

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.  MATTHEW 5:38-41 

Will you go the extra mile to restore a relationship?
Will you go the extra mile to keep a loved one from wrecking their life?
Will you go the extra mile to live your relationship with Jesus?

The Extra Mile Looks Means
  1. LIVE THE 24 HOUR RULE:  Have the Conversation Quickly
  2. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS:  Keep Words Your Few
  3. CHOOSE YOUR TONE:  Say What Needs to Be Said in a Way That It Needs to Be Heard
  4. SEEK PEACE:  What can we do to make things right?
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